As anyone who has been following me for any length of time knows, I started Lent with two specific goals that I made public, as well as several others that I kept private. I had planned on blogging every day of Lent but as I started posting I figured it would all be boring to most people anyway and so I didn’t. However, the main thing for me was to spend extra time focusing on God and my relationship with him, which is important because right now I’m so busy I can hardly see straight. I’m taking four college courses, I graduate from my first degree in July, I work 30 hours a week at an awesome job that for the most part I love. I’m going to therapy for my eating disorders, I’m doing some yard work and planting, and I’m working out. Something has to give, and a lot of times it’s my time with God that ends up being cut out.
So spending extra, focused time was good for me. My two major goals were 1) to give up cussing, which I haven’t been perfect at but after almost 40 days, I cuss much less than I used to, and I go some days or even a few days in a row without cursing at all! For me that’s huge. My other goal was to not consume any caffeine, which I managed to do and hopefully I will remain caffeine free because caffeine is an issue for me. What I wasn’t planning on was for God to totally shake me up the way he did, although I’m glad that he did. There was a song that the band sang at church several weeks ago that I had never heard before but that really spoke to me and I have played it over and over since then. It’s a song called “Lay Me Down” and it’s a really rockin’ song. But singing the words “I lay me down I’m not my own, I belong to you alone…” was amazing. I find that when I sing things, or recite things, that it’s a declaration, and when I make such declarations, God takes them seriously.
So between my extra focus on God for Lent, and taking the time to actually listen to him, and the song “Lay Me Down” really speaking to me, God told me I needed to get help for my eating disorders. Starting to deal with them has been very scary for me but I know that God is the great physician and that he heals. So on resurrection Sunday, I certainly will be different from what I was at the beginning of Lent. It is because of Jesus and his resurrection that I can be healed from my eating disorders and I am trusting him for that healing (well, today, anyway, today has been a pretty good day).