I am fixing to graduate college after this semester with a Bachelor of Arts in Sociology and Writing. It looks highly possible that I am going to have a chance to do honors in 2014. In 2000, when I was fifteen years old, I got my Junior Certificate (meaning I had completed grade 10). I had been working since I was 14 and 9 months, the legal working age in Australia. So at fifteen, with my Junior Certificate, I was done with high school. I made an attempt to go into grade 11, but dropped out. In 2004, I decided that I wanted to go to college, after years of working full time. But I had not finished grade 12. Not to be deterred, I studied and sat a special exam that if I passed, I would be considered to have a grade 12 level of knowledge and therefore eligible to enter university. I sat the exam and did very well, which gained me entrance to Central Queensland University for the third term of 2004.
Back in April I wrote about how gardening had been a deeply spiritual exercise for me, even though I had never really gardened before. It’s time to give an update on what is definitely a failed garden. In the end I planted salad mix, spinach, tomatoes and strawberries. I had worked really hard to prepare the soil and spent a good deal of time and money preparing everything.
The spinach grew into small seedlings, and then promptly shriveled up and died. The salad mix grew big and beautiful, and got eaten by caterpillars. The tomato plants grew nice and tall, and got eaten by caterpillars. The strawberry plants are still trying to survive but have been eaten by caterpillars as well. And yet somehow, this is still somewhat of a spiritual exercise even though I am going to have to tear it all up and plant for a harvest in the fall.
See, it goes to show that little things that I can’t see can get in and totally destroy any growth if I am not careful. It could be caterpillars of bitterness, or gossip, or jealousy, or envy, or pride, or arrogance, or anger, or dishonesty, or gluttony or anything else. These caterpillars sneak up under the leaves, one by one, and eat all the growth. I didn’t realize the caterpillars were eating my plants and sometimes I don’t realize that certain sins are eating me. One that I struggle with a great deal is bitterness, that is something I have to keep giving to the Lord over and over again. I have to be intentional in battling bitterness.
Perhaps if I had sprayed my plants with something, they might have survived. God can spray me when I grow to keep the caterpillars away, too. I do not have to be consumed by anything, especially bitterness. I want to be like the burning bush that Moses saw…it was on fire but it was not consumed.
I think it’s time I get back to praying the Lord’s prayer every night. I find it hard to hold bitterness in my heart when I am praying “and forgive me for my sins as I forgive them who sin against me”. When I declare it often enough, it becomes reality. And really that was my friend Louis’ idea not mine, so it’s not original with me. I’m sure thankful he shared it though.
I haven’t blogged in a long time, there have been many reasons for this. So many things have happened, and I was focused on getting through school semester. I’m excited because I now only have ONE class left in order to graduate, and from there I have applied for honors. After completing honors I want to continue through to getting a Master’s degree. I ultimately want a Ph.D and I am very settled on this, but it is the only thing that I am settled on. I know that I enjoy the intellectual and that I find God in the intellectual, and I know my relationship with God has been so much better since I have been in college and been learning. I thrive on learning new things, it is my passion to learn and my passion to help others learn. Which would usually make people recommend that I be a school teacher, but I don’t think that would suit me at all. I’d rather teach college. In fact, I’d really, really love to teach on a college level, which of course requires a Ph.D, which I want to obtain. Unfortunately for me, this is the only thing in my life right now that I have settled and have complete confidence that I am doing the right thing. I have had to overcome many obstacles just to get as far as I have, and I have a few more obstacles but I am determined to succeed.