Dancing in Waterfalls

Lately I have been (more than) a little discouraged and I have been hurting, and feeling all alone, like nobody understands me, and defeated. When I walked into church early this morning I hoped nobody could see how defeated I was because I wanted to look like I had it all together. I took my place behind the video mixer and silently prayed that God would move through all of us and that people would experience him today. Little did I know that it was going to be me that he did that for. Even the singing was amazing, everyone was really into it and really praising and worshiping God. It was one of those worship moments that I have grown to love. I should have known it would happen, too, because just last night I had been on my face before the Lord crying my eyes out asking him to show up for me because I was alone and hurting and tired and my heart was aching. For anyone who didn’t see me in the invitation praying with one of the pastors with mascara running down my face…yeah by the end of church I no longer looked like I had it all together, if in fact I had ever looked like that at all.

My church intentionally creates spaces for us to worship and experience God and I have to say that I’m so thankful for that, for the vision of the worship pastor. I love that I can trust that I have been given every opportunity to experience God at each service. I appreciate how the leaders are real, how they know that nobody is perfect and that we are all works in progress. They are some of the most amazing people I have ever had the privilege of knowing (and no, I’m not sucking up to anybody lol). I’m really passionate about what I do at the church even though it is just a small part of the service. I’m also very aware of how God can use it, and so I take it seriously. But this morning, he chose to let ME feel the impact of everything that we are trying to create there, and it was amazing.

Today I got some hope from the Bible for something huge in my life right now. It was just the encouragement that I needed. God is amazing how he does stuff like that. It was so awesome and I am still in awe of God as I write this. This morning I learned some things that I had never known before (well, that happens a lot but this was on a larger scale). I’m just so excited, you have NO idea how badly I needed to soak some God-stuff into me. How I needed to sit and get a long cool drink of refreshing water after being so hot and dried out. And now it’s like a waterfall and I am dancing in it, making sure to enjoy the waterfall after feeling hot and thirsty for so long. This week I hope to keep dancing, to keep playing, to let this soak into the core of my being, and for me to be changed. While I am dancing and splashing and reveling in it, I hope I splashed some on you, too!

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Truth and Lies

Last week I created a piece of art, if you can call it that, about the lies that I believe about myself and the truth God says about me.

So of course, right after I made this, I started feeling all those lies again, and have believed many of them. This week has been really rough and when I am in a lot of physical pain and are limited like I am now, it just makes those feelings worse.

Anyway I just thought I would share the picture because even though it isn’t great, I love it. I have it beside my bed. I just wish I could believe it all the time.