Like I told somebody today whom I had to make an apology to, “yes, I am a Christian, I’m just not a very good one”. I grew up in a church culture where it seemed like getting divorced was the unpardonable sin, and that there was absolutely no reason that was acceptable for getting a divorce because “God hates divorce”. Sometimes I feel, as a single mom seeking to be divorced, that I am a second class citizen in the kingdom of God because of the breakdown of my marriage. I feel like I try my best to be a good mom to my kids, and that I try my best to do right by others and to live in a way that would please God. I try to obey God and do the things that he tells me to do. Sometimes that isn’t easy, and sometimes the right thing looks totally different to what I’ve always been taught the right thing is.
Things aren’t always as black or white as they seem, if you look at the situation closely sometimes you can see that it is really a shade of gray. I’m slowly figuring out and trying to convince myself that I’m not less spiritual or have a rotten relationship with God even though my family is broken. I’m also learning that God takes broken things and he fixes them. When I got married I was so excited that I was going to have a “normal”, conservative, fundamentalist Christian family. Nothing about my family has ever been “normal” however since I gave up the dream of being “normal” God has been able to do a whole lot more work. I have also learned that God can answer your prayers regarding family in ways that seem horrific at the time but are really a blessing in disguise. When he promises to work all things out together for good to those that love him, he really means it.
God’s plan for my family includes not being a “normal” family, but he does have amazing plans for us and our growth as a family. God has plans to prosper my family and I, and I just need to learn to trust him. Just like this shirt (which I really, really want by the way) says, “normal is overrated”. Things never turn out the way I think they will or expect that they should. Often with God involved, they turn out better than I expected. The last six months has blown my mind the ways God can work in my life and what seemed like the most devastating moments of my life, the moment I had lost everything that mattered to me, he showed up in the most amazing ways beyond my comprehension.