Life is evolution. Not only did humans evolve into what we are today via a very creative God, but so our faith should evolve over time. I’m a radically different person than I was a year ago when I first went through “the weekend from hell” or probably more true would be to say that I went through hell. Things were so dark and I couldn’t see, and I lost sight of God for a while. Although I couldn’t see God, God never did leave me even all the times I felt that God had totally abandoned me.
Over the past year, my relationship with God has been really rocky, and to be honest I’m not out of the woods with that yet. But it’s also lead me to search things out which has sometimes lead me in the wrong direction such as witchcraft, but even with those wrong directions I’ve learned some things such as my need for some mysticism, ritual, and structure. Its lead me to consider the importance of the unity of the church, how important people are to God, even the ones I don’t like. Its lead me to dig deep inside of myself and figure out who I am and what I allow to define me. Its lead me to read, research and write, its lead me to reconsidering all of my previous ideas about God and who God really is.
In a few weeks, I’ll be visiting another church, after the service at my church is done. I’m not looking to change churches whatsoever, I’m just looking to add another to supplement my ever evolving faith. I feel like the best way I can do that right now is to attend one church followed directly by the other. I’m looking forward to it but I’m also nervous. I’m looking to add some liturgy and more structure to my faith, something my current church, while it is amazing, doesn’t offer because they’ve chosen a different method of worship that works for them. I feel like my entire family could greatly benefit from both a low church and high church setting, where we worship with contemporary music and the children are in a dynamic kids ministry, followed by a smaller, quieter liturgical service where the Eucharist is observed weekly.
Some of my children, having different personalities to me, may significantly prefer one of the styles over the other, and I’m hoping by attending two different churches I will be giving my children a chance to worship God in a way that works for them. Although personally I’m starting to believe that liturgy and a more frequent observation of the Eucharist is very important, and I’m feeling the need to incorporate it into my life and the lives of my children. I want a dynamic faith that not only worships in music but in observing ancient ritual, I want to be as fully grounded in my faith as possible, and somehow I feel like this is probably only the beginning.