God and I are officially on speaking terms again, although I must admit that God was always willing to be on speaking terms with me, but me…not so much. I’ve spent the last three months partaking of the Eucharist, the bread and the wine, the body and blood of Jesus, weekly, and it’s been changing me. You cannot eat Jesus and not be changed. I don’t know how the bread and the wine become the body and blood, it’s one of those divine mysteries but all I know is that it does because I have experienced it.
I appreciate how the church calls confession “Reconciliation of a Penitent” because it focuses on the point which is the reconciliation with God. Yesterday I made a life confession because it was my first one and of course I couldn’t remember everything I’ve ever done but I think I hit the main points. And the thing is, confessing those things out loud to the priest and therefore to God, was freeing, because I was owning up to all the stuff I had done and asking for forgiveness. For me, hearing the priest tell me that God has forgiven me was a big deal. One of my friends had told me before I did it that it was a beautiful sacrament and she was right. The sacraments are beautiful and holy, they change the person who partakes of them.
When I first started the confession, I was nervous and worried that the priest would hate me and not want me at church anymore. But at the moments I dared look at him when I was confessing, I saw understanding, maybe even sympathy, on his face. The priest didn’t judge me for what I had done, what he did was assure me of God’s forgiveness which for me is a big thing. I came to the confession nervous and apprehensive, and I left the confession happy and free. I had admitted to God what I had done and been given forgiveness. He asked me if I would return now to the Lord and I said that I will. For me that was the biggest deal in the whole confession. I made a confession because I had decided that I wanted to return to the Lord.
I’m so excited to be where I’m now at. I’m really thankful that God didn’t give up on me and that God continued to pursue me. I’m thankful that God took me on a spiritual journey that has ended up at the Episcopal Church. I never in my wildest dreams would ever have thought of my journey leading me to where I’m now at. I haven’t always enjoyed the journey here but I am thankful for it because it lead me to where I’m at now. I thank God for the Episcopal Church, I have found my faith home and community.