Thank God for Unanswered Prayers (The Opposite of Love is Shame: Part 19)

I planned on moving from Australia to America to attend a Christian fundamentalist Bible college, again, as an escape mechanism, and I was even accepted to one. The college had very strict rules, things like that women had to wear skirts and pantyhose at all times and the skirts had to be a certain length and there were many restrictions put on dating and you weren’t allowed to have data on cell phones and people were only allowed to play “approved” music on their own personal mp3 players. All students were required to attend the church associated with the school.

Thankfully, I never had the funds to make that dream a reality, and I think that I wanted to go because I wanted to escape my circumstances but at the same time the cult was all I knew and I felt like being a fundamentalist college may be a better scene than what I was in. I was seeking community. These Bible college don’t teach students to think for themselves, they indoctrinate the students. It’s not a about academics, it’s about a literal interpretation of the Bible. All I can say is that I’m so thankful to God for unanswered prayers.

In the end, I moved to the US and got married to the first fundamentalist man that ever paid me any attention. I was pushed into the marriage by the church because it had come out that I was a lesbian, and so as an appropriate act of repentance, it was determined that I was to find a fundamentalist man to marry and to do it quickly. If I didn’t do it quickly enough, God would hand my soul over to Satan for destruction because I would be “too far gone” and not eligible for redemption after that point. I was considered a reprobate and I was to put myself under the authority of a husband and I would be straight.

I sucked at marriage. I never was able to be the submissive woman that I was expected to be. As part of my rebellion, I picked up where I had left off with college. I had only done one semester (the semester I was homeless). I had begun a second semester after that, but had dropped out because the church had convinced me that as a woman, college was unnecessary, and again, repentance required me to give up my dreams. So I contacted my school in Australia to see if I could re-commence my bachelor’s degree online, and they agreed.