This is an attempt at writing a lament, a laments is an expression of grief and deep loss and is usually written down but for the purpose of being spoken, sung, or chanted. The Bible contains laments, they are full of grief and don’t always resolve, because they are an expression of deep emotion.
They set out to destroy me from the very beginning,
and it seemed like God was not there.
I never was given the beauty of childhood innocence.
They attempted to destroy my spirit,
raping me to show me that the men were in charge,
attempting to drown me in ways that are deemed immoral for the torture of war criminals,
beating me to be sure I would be sweet and submissive
I knew evil.
Did I ever mean a damn thing to them?
Was I conceived in hell?
Is Lucifer himself my father?
They got what they wanted,
a child broken into pieces,
who turned into a broken adult.
I am not a whole person,
there are bits of me all over the place,
I’ve never been whole.
I was never pure,
I wasn’t given the chance.
I had the right to be loved,
but there was no love for me.
They hated me.
The point was to inflict as much pain as possible,
they were proud of it and told me often.
When I tried to get help,
there was nobody to help,
and so I learned to remain silent.
Silence was survival.
And there was no escape from hell.
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me.