katy-anne binstead, a holy terror
exploring the intersection of the monstrous and the sacred
***WARNING*** This story contains details of rape and may be distressing to some readers Fiona shivered as the demonic screams penetrated her consciousness. The mountains had always looked beautiful and mysterious to Fiona, but she sure didn’t like camping there. She wasn’t sure why she had volunteered to help at a Christian camp on Halloween... Continue Reading →
(This poem is part of a series about what home means) America Is the fucking promised land According to The fundamentalists But instead of Flowing With milk And honey It overflows With “good” (horny) Fundamentalist men Waiting For their pure virgins So they can screw The first woman That gives them Attention Australia Is full... Continue Reading →
(This poem is part of a series about what home means) Have you ever Climbed into a dumpster Behind the Hungry Jack’s In search Of discarded But still warm Hamburgers? They taste Pretty damn good When you’re hungry Go home The social workers say But where the fuck Is home? My parent’s house? Where I... Continue Reading →
The beast Had always been there To keep me company To feed me lies To forge in me A false identity That I was filthy That I was disgusting That I was an abomination To the very God who created me That I had spit In the very face of God They told me I... Continue Reading →
I thought I could do it on my own That if I just tried really hard I could get rid of the demons That have tormented me The demon of addiction came To possess and control me Moving from one addictive behavior To the next Trying to block out A lifetime of trauma But demons... Continue Reading →
I was a baby when the vampires first came To suck the lifeblood Out of my little body I didn’t know love But I did know shame And those vampires of shame Wanted my blood Dirty Rotten Filthy Sinner Those words Engraved into my soul Before I even knew How to use the toilet Those... Continue Reading →
In the beginning was God,And shortly thereafter came the monsters.But God has always been there.When the terror first came,When I was an infant,God was there.When the monsters were my only friends,God was there.God is love.I have always loved God,I have always craved God’s love,Without realizing that God already loved me.I spent my life with the... Continue Reading →
As I have committed to radically pursuing healing, I have had to do a lot of soul work. I have attempted the twelve steps before, with differing levels of success. A few weeks ago, a friend and I went to spend some time in the stillness and quietness of a local wildlife park. As we... Continue Reading →
I plan on continuing my "The Opposite of Love is Shame" series, but I have other things that I also want to write. And as important as the message of those posts is, I've come up against the shame monster again recently and have some more things to process. Without having the understanding that Jesus... Continue Reading →
I met St. Teresa of Avila today, and knew immediately that she was going to a part of my own personal canon of saints. I connected with her immediately. I am starting my own personal canon of saints, just like I have started my own personal literary canon that I am calling “The Literatures of... Continue Reading →
