When it comes to writing, especially writing my book “The Girl With the Grace Tattoo” I am my own worst enemy. It doesn’t matter how many people tell me that I am good at writing, there is a lot of times that I just don’t believe them. I complain that others blog about the same themes that I blog about, or write books about the same topics I write about who are successful from the get go and it seems like these things were thrown into their lap. I get to wondering why I am unable to enjoy the same measure of success that these other people do, and then I get jealous, which then puts me into a cycle of thinking that is definitely not conducive to writing anything worthwhile.
Two weeks ago, I got tired of feeling this way and wanted to know what it was that made these people successful that I didn’t have, because whatever it was, I wanted it. So I started reading and asking around, asking people to be honest with me even if it hurt my feelings. I sought feedback from a young man my age who used to be in a similar position as I was except without the spouse and kids, he was broke, unemployed, went to school for the same thing I did, and today he is employed and has climbed the change of command where he is working. And here I am still unemployed, getting divorced, and feeling like I suck at life. So I asked him what he was doing that I wasn’t doing, and his answer was helpful.
He told me that I was very qualified and very skilled, but that without confidence in myself and my abilities, I would never get anywhere. He also told me that I tend to use my situation to make excuses for why I haven’t accomplished anything. That hurt a whole lot more because I do try to take responsibility for my actions, but I realized that he was right. So thanks to his honest responses, I have started really reading and studying on how to perform better. I need to realize that I have the power to change myself, and take the responsibility to do so. Instead of making excuses saying I responded badly to a situation because I was having a bad day, I need to admit that I messed up and that I will be more mindful of how I respond to things in the future regardless of how I am feeling at the time.
I’m almost thirty years old, and for the last twenty nine years, the ways I have tried to gain success have not been successful, and so it is time to try something new, to listen to people who have been successful, to research and study so that I can learn how to change my thoughts and my attitudes and to stop sabotaging myself. This will greatly enhance my writing as well as allow me to be more disciplined about the whole book writing process, so that in the end I will not only produce a book, but I will produce one worth reading, one that will touch hearts and change lives.